It's not easy having a blended family! We live in a Yours, Mine and Ours kind of family, and it's tough!
When my husband and I got married a little over 10 years ago, we each had a child from previous relationships. Our kids kind of brought us together in a way because we could relate to each other and it was nice to be in a relationship with someone who had a kid and could understand what it was like being a parent.
Over the years, we have dealt with some really messed up stuff from our exes. Everything from not changing diapers at all for an entire 8 hour visit and causing massive diaper rash to getting children and youth involved to lies and excuses! It's been torture! What our exes don't get is that it has been torture on our kids! Those people that they are supposedly trying to protect are the very people they are hurting the most.
We have to fight for time to see my stepson. My husband's ex does not make it easy by any means! We see him only every other weekend, and we are supposed to get half of his school breaks. My husband will send her an email to plan out the breaks to make it even. Her response...if you want him the extra time then you have to bring him home, otherwise, he's staying with me. Based on the court order, whoever gets the child for visitation is the one that picks him up. She hates driving, and since it's almost an hour drive between our houses, she will make it as difficult as possible to get our allotted time with him.
It really makes me sad that we have to fight so hard to see him. She recently used the excuse that it isn't fair to her that we get him for 1 extra day of his school holidays. WHAT? She gets him all the time, we only have him every other weekend, how is that possibly unfair?
For the record, I can see these situations from both sides...we only have my stepson every other weekend, but my son lives with us and sees his dad only every other weekend. So where we have to fight for time with my stepson, we don't have to do that so much with my son. My ex will ask for extra time with my son and he constantly asks to switch his visitations to suit his life. Though it can be aggravating for me that he asks to change his days almost every week, I am flexible as long as I don't have any plans. He definitely takes advantage of that, and I am well aware that he does. My biggest thing is that I don't feel like my son should have to suffer because his dad has something better to do than to make their scheduled visitation. I don't see how it is my son's fault that his dad changed the days. My son enjoys going to his dad's house, and I don't want to be a reason for them not to have a relationship. It doesn't make sense for him to have to fight for every second he gets with his son.
My ex and I do not, by any means, get along. He tries to make my life hell, he bashes me to my son and he does not provide my son with a healthy environment. The court says I have to let him see his son. I feel it is best to make that as easy as possible for the sake of my son. My ex certainly does not return the favor of being flexible with visitation time. If I ask for something or want to switch visitation times, I get nothing but lies, excuses and lots of trouble.
I will never understand why neither of our exes want to do what is in our kids best interests. I will never get why they make everything so difficult on our kids. I hope that someday, they open their eyes and see that all those years that they were trying to hurt us, they were really hurting their own kids.
It's difficult being in a blended family. Luckily, our kids are older now and I think (and hope) they understand that we love them and want what is best for them.
Thursday, February 4, 2016
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Essential Oils
It's been forever since I have written a blog post! Today, I am choosing to write about essential oils because I have been doing a lot of research on them and I've found so much information it is overwhelming!
My interest in Essential oils started with a friend that said they were a great way to boost the immune system. That is right up my alley because I get sick often, as do my kids! I ended up doing a Facebook event with some Young Living reps. They taught us about 10 of the top oils, how to use them, what they did, and they gave us some info about the company. They answered a lot of our questions throughout the event. It was very informative! I learned a lot about essential oils, though there were some major red flags that went up.
The first red flag was the reps were not medical professionals, but I felt like they were pushing medication on me. They went through the oils, listing what the oils are good for and ways to use them to prevent or treat medical conditions without a medical background.
Another red flag was that they said the oils are safe to ingest. Not only did they say it, they insisted it! They said you can add the oils to your water, put a drop on your tongue, fill capsules and swallow them, etc. I know that Young Living says this is safe, but where is their proof? Where are their medical professionals?
The biggest red flag of all for me was that a Young Living rep told me I could use essential oils to replace my Synthroid. WHAT? A rep of a multi-level marketing (MLM) company told me I could stop taking my Synthroid and use essential oils to replace it. This rep does not have a medical degree, and as far as I know, is not in the medical profession at all. But she insisted that I could use essential oils to replace my medication. I don't know about you, but I can't see taking medical advice about how to treat my thyroid issues from someone that doesn't have a medical degree.
At the end of the Young Living Facebook event, they so wonderfully posted a slide that said we could own the oils and a diffuser...for $150! They insisted it was a wonderful deal! Someone asked about cheaper options, and they kind of hid that in the comments, I guess they wanted to be able to make more money off of everyone.
By the time the class was done, I knew I had to do my research. With all the red flags and then the steep price, I knew there had to be more info out there that would help me make a decision on the best oils for me to use. So I took to the internet, searching for as much information as I could find.
I came across Whole New Mom Blog and found some great information...A 7 part posting about what essential oil company is best. This series of blog posts really addressed a lot of issues with essential oil companies. As someone that is new to essential oils, I learned a lot! I found a similar blog post from The Hippy Homemaker. It was good to get different opinions.
I continued to do research and I also asked some family and friends that were not associated with Young Living their thoughts. Some people recommended a Young Living rep while others said they didn't know much about the oils even though they have some.
My sister was probably the biggest help! She gave me the info of a friend of her's that sells her essential oils. I had met her friend before so it was nice to have a friendly face to talk to, even though our conversation was through Facebook! Anyway, she gave me some great information to read and sent me to her website, Scentsible By Nature and her Facebook page Aromatherapy - Scentsible By Nature. I read all of the articles she had posted and found some amazing information, including proof that you shouldn't ingest the essential oils or put them directly on the skin without a carrier oil. She also has some great products and she mixes the oils together to create blends that help with stress, sickness, etc. She really had a lot of useful things to say. She wasn't trying to sell me anything either, she was truly just giving me information and she told me to make up my mind on what I wanted to buy and who I wanted to buy from. Unlike Young Living, who claimed their products are the best and no one else can compare to them.
I know I still have a lot of research to do, but for now I will definitely not be ingesting essential oils and I will continue to do my research to figure out the best products for me.
The biggest red flag of all for me was that a Young Living rep told me I could use essential oils to replace my Synthroid. WHAT? A rep of a multi-level marketing (MLM) company told me I could stop taking my Synthroid and use essential oils to replace it. This rep does not have a medical degree, and as far as I know, is not in the medical profession at all. But she insisted that I could use essential oils to replace my medication. I don't know about you, but I can't see taking medical advice about how to treat my thyroid issues from someone that doesn't have a medical degree.
At the end of the Young Living Facebook event, they so wonderfully posted a slide that said we could own the oils and a diffuser...for $150! They insisted it was a wonderful deal! Someone asked about cheaper options, and they kind of hid that in the comments, I guess they wanted to be able to make more money off of everyone.
By the time the class was done, I knew I had to do my research. With all the red flags and then the steep price, I knew there had to be more info out there that would help me make a decision on the best oils for me to use. So I took to the internet, searching for as much information as I could find.
I came across Whole New Mom Blog and found some great information...A 7 part posting about what essential oil company is best. This series of blog posts really addressed a lot of issues with essential oil companies. As someone that is new to essential oils, I learned a lot! I found a similar blog post from The Hippy Homemaker. It was good to get different opinions.
I continued to do research and I also asked some family and friends that were not associated with Young Living their thoughts. Some people recommended a Young Living rep while others said they didn't know much about the oils even though they have some.
My sister was probably the biggest help! She gave me the info of a friend of her's that sells her essential oils. I had met her friend before so it was nice to have a friendly face to talk to, even though our conversation was through Facebook! Anyway, she gave me some great information to read and sent me to her website, Scentsible By Nature and her Facebook page Aromatherapy - Scentsible By Nature. I read all of the articles she had posted and found some amazing information, including proof that you shouldn't ingest the essential oils or put them directly on the skin without a carrier oil. She also has some great products and she mixes the oils together to create blends that help with stress, sickness, etc. She really had a lot of useful things to say. She wasn't trying to sell me anything either, she was truly just giving me information and she told me to make up my mind on what I wanted to buy and who I wanted to buy from. Unlike Young Living, who claimed their products are the best and no one else can compare to them.
I know I still have a lot of research to do, but for now I will definitely not be ingesting essential oils and I will continue to do my research to figure out the best products for me.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Eating Better
I've been eating healthier for the past 2 weeks. I have been tracking everything I eat, which helps me to be more accountable for what I put in my body. Tonight, I finally broke out the eat-clean cookbook my sister gave me. I made the pasta with chicken and broccoli. It went over really well with my entire family, they all loved it!! It was nice to see my 5 year old actually eat his entire dinner without complaining.
I'm trying to eat better and to have my family eat better. I've been buying more organic fruits and veggies, organic chicken, and when I buy snacks, I am putting them in snack bags so the kids can grab 1 serving and not eat out of the box and end up eating half the box. I have also stopped drinking soda and have only been drinking water flavored with propel zero or a cucumber slice. I drink plain water when I can, but it gets old fast!
I'm feeling better and I'm starting to see more results from all the exercise I do. I guess I just figured I could eat whatever I wanted because I got in anywhere from 1000 to 2000 exercise minutes per month. That isn't the case at all. I still crave the junk food, but as long as I don't see it I'm good. I have more willpower than I thought!!
I'm trying to eat better and to have my family eat better. I've been buying more organic fruits and veggies, organic chicken, and when I buy snacks, I am putting them in snack bags so the kids can grab 1 serving and not eat out of the box and end up eating half the box. I have also stopped drinking soda and have only been drinking water flavored with propel zero or a cucumber slice. I drink plain water when I can, but it gets old fast!
I'm feeling better and I'm starting to see more results from all the exercise I do. I guess I just figured I could eat whatever I wanted because I got in anywhere from 1000 to 2000 exercise minutes per month. That isn't the case at all. I still crave the junk food, but as long as I don't see it I'm good. I have more willpower than I thought!!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Life is Busy
I thought I had a lot to do before, but being part of a group that is raising money to do the 60 mile Susan G. Komen walk has really kept me busy. I myself have gone overboard with fundraisers! I've contacted so many companies to try to get some fundraisers going. Now, we have 5 fundraisers coming up, 2 of them are pretty big, and we have a lot of work to do.
It feels really good to make a difference. I'm really having a good time planning, putting ornaments together, and having so much to look forward to. I also feel like I am burning out and maybe planning too much at once.
I think I need to force myself to take a break for a day. I spend every waking moment thinking of what needs to be done, making flyers, making lists, putting ornaments together, coming up with other fundraisers. I can only do so much without burning out and I don't want to do that. We have a lot of money to raise and a little less than a year to do it, so my days don't have to be 100% consumed by this. I am having a great time with it all, but I also need a break once in a while. I think I just dive into things and end up allowing them to consume my life. Once the big events are done, I'll have a couple weeks to take a break! For now...it's time to get busy!!
It feels really good to make a difference. I'm really having a good time planning, putting ornaments together, and having so much to look forward to. I also feel like I am burning out and maybe planning too much at once.
I think I need to force myself to take a break for a day. I spend every waking moment thinking of what needs to be done, making flyers, making lists, putting ornaments together, coming up with other fundraisers. I can only do so much without burning out and I don't want to do that. We have a lot of money to raise and a little less than a year to do it, so my days don't have to be 100% consumed by this. I am having a great time with it all, but I also need a break once in a while. I think I just dive into things and end up allowing them to consume my life. Once the big events are done, I'll have a couple weeks to take a break! For now...it's time to get busy!!
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Week 8 Done
Yesterday completed week 8 of my venture towards a healthier me! I've stayed on track with my strength training, and I can see more tone in my body! I've done pretty good with cardio and walking. Last week, I added a new fitness class into my schedule. I started a cage fitness class. It is awesome! It is 30 minutes of cardio and strength mixed together. I bought 20 classes through Groupon! I did the class twice last week and will try for 2 days a week for the next 9 weeks.
I'm still tired and still get chest pain. I am fine while I'm exercising, but when I am done, I am feeling pretty exhausted. Not sure if it is from my thyroid or some other issue, but it's pretty annoying that I still seem to have no energy.
I've been eating a little better lately, but still not on track with my diet. My goal is to eat better and continue with my workouts.
I'm still tired and still get chest pain. I am fine while I'm exercising, but when I am done, I am feeling pretty exhausted. Not sure if it is from my thyroid or some other issue, but it's pretty annoying that I still seem to have no energy.
I've been eating a little better lately, but still not on track with my diet. My goal is to eat better and continue with my workouts.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Time to Get Back on Track
I realized that I need to get back on track with my life and stop worrying about the people that are trying to bring me down. I was talking to one of the dads at soccer last night. He's divorced, has 2 kids with his ex-wife, and has been going through hell with her. He's trying to be a good dad and live his life, but she's always trying to bring him down and make him look like the bad guy. She drags him to court for every little thing. I feel bad for him!
I can also totally relate to him! Between my ex and my husband's ex, I totally understand where he is coming from. I've been able to distance myself from their negativity. I don't let it consume my life like it once had. Yes, I get upset at times, but I deal with it and let it go. I used to hold on to the anger and dwell on things and all it did was make me really stressed. I learned that I have no control over what they do with our kids or what they say and I need to just live my life, deal with things as they come up and then move on.
For days now I've been dwelling on the stuff that happened with my in-laws. Trying to replay my nephew's party over and over in my head to figure out what I did wrong. Talking to people to try to figure it all out. I keep coming back to the same place and yet I keep dwelling on it. I have no control over what they do, what they say or how they decide to handle situations. The only thing I have control over is myself. I need to just let it go.
I am so much happier when I don't dwell on things. I am more productive, have more fun with my family and I feel better about myself overall. Today, I am making the decision to stop letting them affect my life in a negative way. They are who they are and I am who I am and if we don't get along, it's ok. They don't have to like me and I don't have to like them. I can be civil towards them and treat them decently. I only have to see them on holidays and at birthday parties for my kids...I can handle that! I can already feel the weight lifting off my shoulders. This will be good!
I can also totally relate to him! Between my ex and my husband's ex, I totally understand where he is coming from. I've been able to distance myself from their negativity. I don't let it consume my life like it once had. Yes, I get upset at times, but I deal with it and let it go. I used to hold on to the anger and dwell on things and all it did was make me really stressed. I learned that I have no control over what they do with our kids or what they say and I need to just live my life, deal with things as they come up and then move on.
For days now I've been dwelling on the stuff that happened with my in-laws. Trying to replay my nephew's party over and over in my head to figure out what I did wrong. Talking to people to try to figure it all out. I keep coming back to the same place and yet I keep dwelling on it. I have no control over what they do, what they say or how they decide to handle situations. The only thing I have control over is myself. I need to just let it go.
I am so much happier when I don't dwell on things. I am more productive, have more fun with my family and I feel better about myself overall. Today, I am making the decision to stop letting them affect my life in a negative way. They are who they are and I am who I am and if we don't get along, it's ok. They don't have to like me and I don't have to like them. I can be civil towards them and treat them decently. I only have to see them on holidays and at birthday parties for my kids...I can handle that! I can already feel the weight lifting off my shoulders. This will be good!
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Dealing with the Devil
When you think of family, you think of people who love you, support you and are always there for you. To me family doesn't mean they have to be blood related. I have friends that I consider part of my family, that I am closer to than some people that are blood related to me. The people I care about most are my family!
I married my husband because I loved him and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. We had already been through hell before we got married, dealing with both of our exes and the issues they caused for us and our kids. We stuck by each other through all the stress and even through the arguments we had over some of those issues. He's been my rock and I love him for that!
Since we have been married, his family has caused me much pain, sorrow, aggravation and stress. I have tried to deal with them. When we get together with them, I either sit there and don't say a word or I stay in the room with the kids and play with them. I am totally uncomfortable around them. I really wish I didn't have to be around them ever. Needless to say, I don't see these people as my family. They have never been there for me, they have never tried to get to know me. They have only ever caused me grief.
On Sunday night, my husband went to talk to his sister. She claims she has no issues with me whatsoever. She claims she likes me, she's just been busy for the past 8 years and didn't have time to get to know me. She claims that she really wants to be close to me and wishes we had more time to hang out. My MIL claims she also has nothing against me. They both claim there is no awkwardness when we get together with them. I find it funny that these people can make these claims and yet my FIL says my MIL and SIL feel like they are always under a microscope because they are worried that they will treat the kids differently again. He said some other stuff too that shows that they have issues.
My SIL and MIL always lie. My MIL lied to my SIL and BIL years ago when she claimed I was being mean to her because I wanted her to treat my son better. She got her whole family against me and they all stopped talking to us for years. They lied to my husband on Monday night when they said there were no issues. I say this for several reasons:
1. My MIL and SIL are very cold towards me. We could be in the same room for hours and they will ignore me, make snide comments, and act like they are better then me.
2. My friends, whenever they are here when my SIL picks up her son or at parties for my kids, can see the awkwardness and the lack of communication between us.
3. My MIL favors my step-son and nephew, but both kids that I had, even the one I had with her son, are never priorities. She has no problems not seeing them for months. She never asks about my kids. And when they want to do something with us, they will only do it if my step-son is here.
4. You can sense the awkwardness, and my FIL and husband both feel it too. My FIL knows more than what he is saying, but he doesn't want to be in the middle so he won't come clean.
5. There are other reasons, but it's too much to type in one blog post!
My SIL uses her depression as her excuse for her actions. She claims she still has postpartum and that is why she acts the way she does. At least that's what she told my husband on Monday. I don't need to hear excuses. If you feel you still have issues a year after your child was born then you should get help! She wasn't being mean to anyone else at her son's party, so the depression excuse isn't going to fly.
I wanted to be close to them. I tried to be close to them. It's never going to happen. A part of me thinks my SIL and MIL are the devil. They are just so evil and they care about no one but themselves. My FIL is going through hell right now because of the 2 of them. Maybe they don't have an issue with me. Maybe they are just evil people!
I married my husband because I loved him and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. We had already been through hell before we got married, dealing with both of our exes and the issues they caused for us and our kids. We stuck by each other through all the stress and even through the arguments we had over some of those issues. He's been my rock and I love him for that!
Since we have been married, his family has caused me much pain, sorrow, aggravation and stress. I have tried to deal with them. When we get together with them, I either sit there and don't say a word or I stay in the room with the kids and play with them. I am totally uncomfortable around them. I really wish I didn't have to be around them ever. Needless to say, I don't see these people as my family. They have never been there for me, they have never tried to get to know me. They have only ever caused me grief.
On Sunday night, my husband went to talk to his sister. She claims she has no issues with me whatsoever. She claims she likes me, she's just been busy for the past 8 years and didn't have time to get to know me. She claims that she really wants to be close to me and wishes we had more time to hang out. My MIL claims she also has nothing against me. They both claim there is no awkwardness when we get together with them. I find it funny that these people can make these claims and yet my FIL says my MIL and SIL feel like they are always under a microscope because they are worried that they will treat the kids differently again. He said some other stuff too that shows that they have issues.
My SIL and MIL always lie. My MIL lied to my SIL and BIL years ago when she claimed I was being mean to her because I wanted her to treat my son better. She got her whole family against me and they all stopped talking to us for years. They lied to my husband on Monday night when they said there were no issues. I say this for several reasons:
1. My MIL and SIL are very cold towards me. We could be in the same room for hours and they will ignore me, make snide comments, and act like they are better then me.
2. My friends, whenever they are here when my SIL picks up her son or at parties for my kids, can see the awkwardness and the lack of communication between us.
3. My MIL favors my step-son and nephew, but both kids that I had, even the one I had with her son, are never priorities. She has no problems not seeing them for months. She never asks about my kids. And when they want to do something with us, they will only do it if my step-son is here.
4. You can sense the awkwardness, and my FIL and husband both feel it too. My FIL knows more than what he is saying, but he doesn't want to be in the middle so he won't come clean.
5. There are other reasons, but it's too much to type in one blog post!
My SIL uses her depression as her excuse for her actions. She claims she still has postpartum and that is why she acts the way she does. At least that's what she told my husband on Monday. I don't need to hear excuses. If you feel you still have issues a year after your child was born then you should get help! She wasn't being mean to anyone else at her son's party, so the depression excuse isn't going to fly.
I wanted to be close to them. I tried to be close to them. It's never going to happen. A part of me thinks my SIL and MIL are the devil. They are just so evil and they care about no one but themselves. My FIL is going through hell right now because of the 2 of them. Maybe they don't have an issue with me. Maybe they are just evil people!
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