My Day of Hell!

Yesterday, also known as my day of hell, wasn't supposed to go the way it did, and yet I knew months ago that it wasn't going to be the best day.

Yesterday was my nephew's first birthday party. I knew it was going to be really awkward and there was the potential for issues, I just didn't realize it was going to turn into such hell.

We were going to be a little late because my step-son had a soccer game in the morning. We were going to miss my son's soccer game in the afternoon to go to the party, but that worked out because the game was cancelled.

We headed out around 11:30am for our 2 hours drive to get to the party. I thought about what could go wrong in my head all the way there, the stupid little things, the awkwardness, the feeling like I didn't belong every time we get together with my husband's side of the family. I wasn't prepared for what happened though.

We got to the party and my SIL and BIL were setting things up, getting everything ready, running around like crazy as you do when you are hosting a party. My SIL's friend was holding my nephew, so I went over to him and said hi. He wasn't the happiest little critter because it was so windy and cold out and he didn't like it. My SIL walked over to us, and I said Hi to her. She seemed busy, so I didn't get in her way. I said hi to the rest of my husband's family and some other people that were there. I tried to say hi to my BIL, but he was on the move so much and when I waved to him he ignored me.

The party continued. I took my kids to the playground for a while and just kind of stayed off on my own so my SIL and BIL could enjoy there day. There has been such tension ever since my husband told them I wasn't going to watch my nephew as of December 31. And, from what I found out yesterday, she gave everyone a different story because everyone was surprised when I told them she had until December 31 and yet she quit her job as of October 21. Everyone was under the impression that I only gave her a few weeks to figure something out and she's been making a big deal out of her having to quit her job because I won't watch my nephew anymore. My husband found out that she gave her resignation because one day last week she fell asleep at the wheel driving to work and the only reason she woke up was because someone honked because she was crossing the line.

Back to the party...my son came over to me and said it was time to eat, so my husband and I went over and grabbed some food. We sat down to eat and I noticed my SIL was going around talking to everyone in her family. I can read lips, to a certain degree, and could tell she was saying that I didn't say hi to her or give her a hug or anything. She told her brother that I was ignoring her and her husband. She moved around from group to group telling everyone I was ignoring her. Then she went over to where all the presents were and she was crying. Her husband went over to her and asked why she was crying. They talked, they argued, and then he had my nephew and she was trying to get things put away.

I went over to her and asked her if she needed any help. She was so cold to me! She was trying to put away the pack-n-play but she said she couldn't figure out how to fold it up, so I did it for her. She just kept saying she was packing things up. I asked what I could do and she said nothing and walked away. I realized that my MIL, SIL and BIL were all avoiding me at this point, and giving me looks at the same time from across the room. WTF? I talked to my husband about it, told him what I saw her say to some people. He went over to her, asked her if she was ok, and she said "I don't want to talk to you right now!" He told me she said that and he said he really wanted to just go home at that point. So did I!

I thought that was the end of it, but no. That was just the beginning! My phone rang, so I answered it and was talking to a friend of mine about this and some other stuff. I went off to the side of the playground away from the pavilion so no one could hear me. I saw my SIL walking to the parking lot, and then my BIL walking after her. My FIL went to the parking lot carrying some stuff.  I got off the phone and my husband asked me what I wanted to do. I told him I wanted to go home. We talked for a bit and then we went back to the pavilion.

My husband went over to his dad to say goodbye, and his dad flipped. We were all supposed to be going back to my SIL's apartment, and my FIL didn't understand why we weren't going back. My husband explained all the issues that occurred over the past hour, and my FIL started slamming his trunk and turned to me and yelled at me. He yelled "when was the last time you hugged my daughter?" I was shocked. I told him "we don't hug often, we just don't do it." He yelled "But when was the last time you hugged her?" I had so many things going through my head. What the hell was this man yelling at me for? What did I do wrong? Who cares if I hug her? We don't hug very often! She didn't even say bye to me at my son's party, but she's pissed because I didn't hug her? WHAT??

I was so confused and so upset. The more my FIL yelled at me, the more upset I got. I started crying and yelled for my kids to go to the car with me. Of course, they took their time and I just wanted to go as fast as possible! My husband's brothers friend followed us. He didn't say anything to me, but he helped me get the kids to the car. I felt like such an ass walking through the park to the car crying. Everyone was huddled over by my SIL's car and I'm sure she was giving them an earful about me.

It felt like forever, but we finally got to the car and I got the kids inside and I just stood there and cried. My husband's brother's friend came over to me and hugged me. He told me it was all ok. I cried and tried to talk to him. I told him I did say hi to her and I tried to talk to my BIL. I was so upset that she was doing this to me and I just couldn't believe what was going on. I told him that we gave them 3 1/2 months notice until I couldn't watch my nephew anymore and things have been tense since then. He assured me that I wasn't the one at fault and that she wasn't being an adult about it. He made me feel better, but I just couldn't stop crying.

Then I noticed a car pulled up behind mine. I didn't look up, I could tell it was my FIL's car. I had no idea what to expect. Was he going to yell at me again? Was he going to tell me never to go near them again? He got out of the car, came over to me and he told me he loved me and he was sorry for yelling at me. He said it's not my fault what is going on. The more he talked the more I cried and the less I was able to speak. I was eventually able to get words out, and I told him that I felt like his daughter hated me. I said it was difficult for me to even come to the party since there has been so much tension and I explained that I did say hi to her. He hugged me, told me how sorry he was, he cried, and he told me he loved me. He said he would understand if I didn't want to go back to my SIL's house.

On a side note, when I said hi to my SIL, she didn't come over to me or hug me. My BIL didn't even try to come over to me at all the entire time we were there.

Anyway, my FIL went over to talk to my husband and his brother and his friend came over to talk to me. I was still crying, I just couldn't stop. We decided to go back to their house to be the bigger people. It was a party for nephew, not for my SIL, and why should he suffer because of the issues that were occurring. My FIL walked over and gave me a hug again and told me that it was good of me to go back there and he said he loved me again.

On the way there, I cried! I just couldn't stop crying, but I was trying to compose myself so I wasn't crying at their house. I did ok inside. We got there and they were about to open gifts. I stayed off to the side and watched as my MIL gave me looks from across the room. I was so uncomfortable! I just wanted to leave, I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream at them for making me feel so horrible! I didn't do any of that. I just sat there, frozen, like a statue trying to keep it together. My BIL's parents talked to me and my husband a lot.

After gifts was cake. I was in the kitchen at the time, and my SIL completely ignored me. So I left and went into the living room and stood by the door out of the way. Her friends were giving me looks from across the room. My nephew was on the floor and every time we started crawling over to me, one of her friends ran over and picked him up. I felt like I was the most horrible person. It took everything I had not to open that door and walk out. I stayed in the living room when we ate cake. After the cake, my SIL came in and sat next to her friend and they whispered and they looked at me and they made their little comments. They were whispering and then one looked at me and said "you should start a countdown so you can see it's getting closer." I would assume that them looking at me meant she was counting down to when I didn't have to watch her son anymore. Ugh!

Finally, it was time to leave. I hugged everyone, my BIL, SIL, MIL, FIL, other BIL, his friend. I just wanted to get out of there. my SIL's friends didn't even say a word to us, they were just glaring at me like I was the devil. My SIL told my husband they needed to talk. We left.

When we got to the car, I lost it. I balled my eyes out. I cried all the way home. I talked to my husband about how I don't want to watch my nephew anymore because now it's just going to be hell every time I have to see his sister. We talked, I cried...for 2 hours!

All day, since I started crying, my kids were trying to cheer me up. They wanted to know why I was upset, but I wouldn't tell them. They sang songs for me, told me stories they made up, and did stuff to try to make me happier. When we got home, my 5 year old walks in the kitchen and asks me why we were fighting with his aunt. Apparently, he's the only one that pays attention to what is going on in the world around him! I wouldn't answer him at all. We decided to watch Karate Dog with the kids and ordered pizza.

I was hoping that when I went to bed last night that I could put all of this behind me and wake up in better spirits. No such luck. I woke up and instantly started crying. I am just so upset that she would be so cruel. Now she's going to blame me for ruining her son's 1st birthday party and all because she claims I ignored her. She had all of her family and all of her friends at that party, why does she care if I ignore her? She doesn't even like me! She hasn't liked me since the issues with my MIL treating my son horribly happened. I've never been close to my husband's family! NEVER! It just makes no sense to me. I said hi to her, but she's making me out to be this horrible person. WTF???

I've been crying off and on today. I just can't seem to get it together. I am planning on taking my kids apple picking later, and I just really hope that I can hold it together for their sake. Maybe getting out and keeping busy will help me. I'm just feeling so depressed and upset and I can't figure out what happened.

It's another situation that has happened that I really wish my dad was here. He would be able to help me through this. He would make me feel better. Just knowing he was here and still alive would make me feel better! It's one of those times that makes his death so much more difficult for me to handle!

To Diet or Not to Diet!

I know my eating habits are not what they should be, and I can't seem to break out of my bad habits! I do really good in the morning, but come afternoon or evening, I'm ready to grab for the junk food. Yes, I know that I could deal with that by not having junk food in the house. It's rough during soccer season, I don't get to cook like I want to, so we eat a lot of cereal and waffles and quick stuff.

I thought about doing the Special K Challenge, but the more I look at it, the more unsure I am of it. Where are the fruits and vegetables? It seems kind of odd to eat a snack bar for lunch.  I feel like I'd be hungry all the time and that would just get me in more trouble because I'd be snacking all the time. I guess with some willpower, I could get through the 2 weeks and if it helped me to lose even a pound, that would be good. I could see it being a gateway to me eating better, but then again I could just start eating better and not do the Special K Challenge.

I'm torn! I want to eat better, I really do. Part of me is being lazy because I don't feel like taking my nephew food shopping, so I don't go during the week when he's here. Last time I took him, he screamed the entire time we were shopping! It was not an easy shopping trip! Part of me is so busy with everything else that I'm just not taking the time to fit in healthier eating. That is something that will change once I am not watching my nephew anymore!

I guess I could just buy a bunch of fruits and veggies and find recipes for healthier meals and get stuff ready so that I can start eating healthier. Instead of cookies I could eat an apple. I seem to eat a lot of pasta too, which I really should cut down on a lot.

I'm going to try to go to the library this week and take out a book on healthy eating. Maybe if I read about what I should be doing it will help me. I'm getting in a ton of exercise every week, the least I could do is eat healthier so I can actually see the benefits of all my hard work! It is stupid of me to keep eating the way I do. I'll be going food shopping tomorrow! Let's hope I can make better decisions on what I buy!

Week 4 Completed!

Today is the end of week 4 of my exercise journey. I have done really well, but not good enough! I have consistently done my weight training every other day and have done cardio at least every other day. I should be doing cardio every day!

I've tried to eat better. With soccer season here, I don't cook like I would like to, so we eat whatever we can find in the house like cereal or waffles for dinner. I seem to do better during the day, and then when the kids come home I want to eat cookies or ice cream. I do need to have more fruit and veggies in the house.  My plan is to go food shopping tomorrow to stock up on the good stuff!

As of Monday, I add a 4th day for strength training and I go from 3 to 5 lb. weights.  I started off at 3 lbs. to make sure it didn't hurt my chest.  But I find it easy at 3 lbs. so now it's time to move up.

I am proud of myself for sticking to my routine and pushing myself to make sure I do the exercises when I am supposed to.  Some days are harder than others and I have to force myself to get through it! Day 2 of strength training is still a rough one! At this point, exercise has become part of my normal routine so sticking with it isn't so hard.  I want to get the most out of my workouts, so I will continue to push myself through it every day and add more when necessary.

Now, to work on my eating habits...

The Greatest News Ever!

I got an email from my sister-in-law today! She handed in her resignation at her job. She said she had to give 30 days notice, so her last day is October 21!! WooooHoooo!!!

It will be awesome to finally have my freedom! I'll be able to volunteer in my sons classes/at their schools. I'll have time to get work done. I'll be able to go have lunch with my friends without having the baby with me. My house will actually not look like we have an infant of our own! Some of my stress will go away. I can feel the stress lifting off of me already! I am so excited to get my life back!

Who knew the word resignation could bring me so much joy! I am counting down to October 21!!

Inlaws = Disaster

I can't understand how some people claim that family is everything, and yet they will push family away and treat certain people in the family like crap.  Ah yes, we come back to the in-laws yet again.

My son has a grandparents lunch coming up at school, so I invited my mom and my MIL and FIL. My mom was all for it. She was excited to be able to have lunch with my son at his school.  My MIL told me she can't take the day off of work, so neither of them are going.

Ok, I get she has a job and all that.  Let me also state that my nephew has been sick, and at my house for the past 2 days.  I told my SIL on Tuesday that her son needs to go to the doctor. He was coughing and had a lot of chest congestion. He even sounded horse. She told me it was just him teething and not to worry about it. Yesterday, he was again at my house and he was coughing, very lethargic, and had a lot more congestion in his chest. When she picked him up, I again said she should make an appointment for him and even offered to take him to the doctor myself so she didn't have to take off work. She ended up getting an appointment last night and he has croup.  So she texted me and told me that he wasn't coming today, her mom was taking the day off to stay with him.

First of all, why can't she stay home with her son? Her mom always takes off to take care of my nephew when he is sick. It makes no sense to me at all.

Second, why can my MIL take a day off of work to watch my sick nephew, but she can't take the day off to have lunch with my son at school?  It's a one time thing. They only do this lunch in Kindergarten, so they won't get the chance to do this next year or any year after that. Not to mention she's been taking so much time off of work that she has been getting in trouble by her boss. She's going to end up losing her job all because she is taking care of her grandson.

My SIL is a prime example of why certain people shouldn't pro-create.  She relies on her mom for everything, and my FIL is getting sick of it! She can't do anything on her own. She doesn't even take care of her kid. She seems to have absolutely no maternal instincts what-so-ever! She took money from her parents, who took the money out of their retirement funds, to pay her mortgage for the past year. She also borrowed money from her husband's parents, and his dad has been battling cancer on and off for the past few years and had a couple of surgeries that cost them a lot of money. Both of their parents paid their mortgage for over a year, and then 2 months ago, they decided to let the house foreclose. So both of their parents are out of all that money for nothing and they will never get the money back. My MIL babies my SIL. She walks on eggshells around her and treats her as if she can't do anything. My SIL is living with my MIL and FIL, so they pay for everything for her. My SIL complains that she has no money, yet she does to Dunkin Donuts every day for coffee and they go on date nights every weekend.  Again, my MIL won't watch our kids so we can go out, but she will do anything for my nephew.

There was a night we asked her to watch our kids, and she said she couldn't because she was volunteering that night.  I later found out that she cancelled her volunteer time to watch my nephew so my SIL could go out. I was so pissed!

I really feel bad for my husband. He's learned a lot about his mom and sister over the past few years and he's really not happy about it. He keeps apologizing to me for his family. It's not his fault. We can't pick our family and unfortunately, they aren't always the people we expect them to be.  Lucky for me, they aren't my family and I can disassociate myself from them and stop asking them to be involved!

Making Time for My Family

It's been a while since I have posted here. Life has been so busy! Our business is picking up, the kids are back to school, we all have to get to karate twice a week, soccer 4 to 5 days a week, guitar lessons...that doesn't leave much time for taking care of the household! I should have a lot of time on my hands, since my kids are in school 6 hours a day, but there is this one major factor...my 11 month old nephew!

I love the kid! He's great! I'm so thankful that I have been able to spend the last year with him while his parents are working. It's been so nice being able to bond with him and my kids have gotten to be close with their cousin. When I was a kid, we were always around family. I knew my cousins well, and we spent a lot of time together. As we got older, that didn't happen as much, and now as adults I keep in contact with them through facebook and we get together on occasion, but we're not close.

My husband and I have been discussing a lot of things that need to change in our lives! We have a business for a reason...so I can stay home and raise our kids. The business is how I make money. It's been slow, so it hasn't been an issue for a while, but now things are picking up and I need more time. How do I get more time? The most logical answer is to stop watching my nephew. So my husband came up with a plan to tell his sister that we were done watching her son as of October 1. I told him 2 weeks notice wasn't fair, at least give her til the end of the year.  He agreed, and we wanted to make time to talk to her and her husband when we could both be there, but it just didn't work out. So he went to talk to them on his own.

I would love to say that they reacted well and were happy to get 3 1/2 months notice.  However, that wasn't the case. They got really defensive and said if I couldn't handle it I shouldn't have committed to it. Then she said it is my job, she hired me to watch her kid, and I am committed to it. She broke down into tears, got mad, made rude comments.  I'm sure it was a great conversation for my husband to go through! He said he was nice about it all. He told her that we didn't watch their kid for the money, it was to help them out, and that none of us committed to any specific amount of time to watch him. He explained how our business is picking up, and that is how I make money for the family and how I want to be able to volunteer at school for my kids. She didn't care though. It was all about her and what was she going to do. By the end, they said they weren't mad and they would figure something out. However, a couple days later, I forgot to give her back some stuff for the baby and asked if I could drop it off.  My husband said he was going there anyway to pick something else up, so I texted her and told her he would be coming later.  He rang the doorbell. She opened the door just enough to grab the bag, grunted when my husband said "Sorry we forgot to give this to you" and slammed the door on him.

My thoughts on the whole situation are this:

- they have issues with me because I stood up to them regarding them not treating my son the way they treated my husband's son and it was making my son feel bad. Because they didn't want to hear it, they stopped talking to us for 3 years.
- As with any job I have ever had, I have the right to give 2 weeks notice to end my employment. Apparently, she sees me as her employee, which I am not! She should be happy to have gotten 3 1/2 months notice. She would have gotten 2 weeks notice if my husband had anything to say about it!
- They have been struggling for months over money. They had a house and an apartment. They were getting money from his parents and her parents to pay the mortgage on their house for the past year or so. And as of last month, they stopped paying the mortgage so they could let it go into foreclosure. They should totally understand that we need to make money to pay our bills too, and our business is the only way I make money.
- To say this is my "job" when I only get paid $20 a day for watching her kid for 10+ hours is a joke! We did this to help them, not for the money. $20 a day won't buy much, especially for a family of 5.
- My family and my business come first. I can't not take new business because of someone else's kid. I can't not volunteer at my kids schools because I have to take care of someone else's kid. I don't think it's fair to my family to put someone else's kid before them.
- She has made horrible comments about me in the past. She is always very cold to me. It's awkward being around her. She has never liked me. We have never been close. So why should I give up everything in my world for her? She told my husband's brother when I first agreed to watch the baby for $20 a day that she was making out! She knew she was getting a great deal. She's ok with taking advantage of me!
- Along with the taking advantage of me thing...she is always picking him up late. Sometimes I get a call or text and sometimes I get nothing. He is at my house from 5:45am to 4pm. She'll get here anytime between 4pm and 5pm to pick him up. She claims she can't take him food shopping, so she will stop and pick stuff up on her way. As if I have nothing better to do with my time!

I think the thing that bugs me the most about all of this is that when my oldest son was younger, I did work full time and my parents watched him. They watched him for a while, and then one day, they told me they couldn't do it anymore because my dad had lung cancer. It was a horrible thing to hear my dad say he had lung cancer. Trying to deal with that was just too much for me to handle. On top of that, I wanted to make arrangements quickly so I had someone to care for my son. Did I get mad at them or call them names? Of course not! I understand that life happens and you have to take responsibility and go with the flow. I was able to find a daycare quickly and I enrolled him so he could start asap.  Still, I didn't get over the shock of my dad being sick.

My point is that I got a bombshell dropped on me when my parents told me they couldn't watch my son anymore, but I did what I needed to do without complaint. She is complaining about me stopping in December, and yet she has 3 1/2 months to find someone else. She has a lot of nerve.

Life happens, and it may not always be the way you want it to happen but you have to go with the flow. It's not the end of the world that we put an end date on watching her kid. Maybe it will push her to actually find a job and move to where her husband is so they can be together and she can stop complaining about that!

Day 10: I had to Talk Myself Through It

Today is day 10! I started my workout around 8am. Day 2 of the strength training workout that I do is rough! It's core and legs, so there are a lot of lunges and side lunges, which I really hate doing! I had to keep telling myself to just push through it and when I got to the 3rd set, I kept reminding myself that it was the last time I had to do these until next week! I pushed myself! I didn't give up! I got through it! It wasn't an easy thing to do, but I got through it!

After I was done with strength, I decided to try to Wii Active 2 game that I got a few months ago. I didn't even open it when I got it.  I had to peel the wrapping off of it and set everything up. It was easy to set up, just a little time consuming. But not that it is set up, I won't have to do anything crazy later.

As for the game, I got a good cardio workout and it kept track of my heart rate. I set up my own workout, which wasn't well planned since I had never used the game before. I just picked exercises that I thought might work for me and repeated some, but I really had no idea how any of them worked.  My creation was a bit messy and really had me repeating things that weren't necessary. It wasn't bad for my first time, but I would definitely do it differently next time.

Next week, I plan on doing the 3 week cardio workout plan they have set up within the game. It is 4 days a week for 3 weeks. It's worth a try! I have to get in at least 20 minutes of cardio a day and I think each day is a little more than that. It will be good for me to get into a routine. I'll have the other games I have as filler or extra workouts.  I don't want to review Active 2 until I have gone through the 3 week routine. We'll see how it holds up!