Well, it's here...the first day of school! The kids got up, got ready, ate breakfast and then waited...and waited...and waited. They got ready so early, they got bored of having to wait! Both were super excited about going to school...my oldest in a new school and my youngest starting Kindergarten! There was no craziness this morning at all! I hope every morning if like this!
Off we went to the bus stop. My oldest gets to take the bus to school. Unfortunately, it was late so I had to drop him off and take the youngest to school. He didn't want me to stand there with him anyway!
Walking down the hall to my son's Kindergarten class...holding his hand just amazed at the fact that he is going to school. I started to get a little choked up, but stopped myself so he didn't get upset. We got to observe his class for a little as they colored a paper and got situated at their desks. He called me over and asked me to stay close to him. He held my hand. He hugged me. He never got upset, he just seemed a bit nervous. Then the teacher said we had to leave. He was good about it. He gave us hugs and he said he'll see us later.
Now I'm home, and I feel so lost. I'm not sure what to do with myself. My step-son is here, but he's in his room, so I am sitting here watching TV, typing this, and trying to figure out what to do next. Have I completely forgotten how to be me? I feel like I should be doing something for the kids. It's going to take some time for me to figure all of this out.
I know eventually I will get used to this, but for now, I'm just going to sit and relax and wait for the time when I get to pick up my little man from Kindergarten on his first day, and then later get my oldest off the bus.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
My Baby is 5!
Today is my youngest son's 5th birthday. How time flies! I remember being pregnant with him like it was yesterday! My pregnancy was not easy! I was bedridden 3 times due to complications and bleeding. I'm actually surprised he made it! That was a very stressful time in my life! We were having issues with the in-laws, and for most of my pregnancy we weren't talking to them. There was a lot of fighting going on throughout the time I was pregnant. I am thankful that my little man made it through all of that!
5 years...it just seems so impossible! I'll never forget how the nurse almost made me pass out because she kept sticking me over and over again with the IV to get it in my hand and she was missing the vein. I think even I could hit a vein in me! I said "I can't hear right and things are starting to go dark." She said "Oh, you're starting to pass out, I'll give you a minute before I try this again." I said "you have one more chance. If you don't get it in, I want another nurse!" She got it in! Then there was the epidural which wasn't in the right way and I could feel everything. They had to readjust it. I guess that was a bad day for me a needles!
I did get the greatest gift of all...my little man! It was really an amazing day...my husband, who wasn't able to be at the birth of his first son, got to see his 2nd son be born. He almost passed out when they gave me the epidural, but he made through everything else just fine! I was at total peace when I was holding my little man because I was so scared through the 9 months that I would lose him. It was such a relief to hold him in my arms! The only thing I was upset about was that my dad wasn't around to see my new little guy. I miss my dad, and times like that are the most difficult to get through. He would have loved my new little bundle of joy! At least my mom was able to be there and she brought my oldest son! She was a huge help during that time, as she always is!
Fast forward 5 years...my little man woke up to a house full of balloons! My husband had them tied to everything on the house! It was soo cute to see my boy go around counting them. There were 27...originally 30, but 3 popped! Now he's playing the Phineas and Ferb Wii game with his older brother, which he got for his birthday! He's perfectly content to just hang out! He lucked out too, today was supposed to be his first day of school, but Hurricane Irene cancelled the day and he was ecstatic that he didn't have to go to school on his birthday! We'll be heading out for lunch soon and then we'll see what he wants to do for the rest of the day!
I just can't believe how fast time flies! My baby is 5 years old! It just doesn't seem possible! I am thankful to have him in my life! I love him with all my heart and wouldn't change him for the world!
And now...time for lunch...
5 years...it just seems so impossible! I'll never forget how the nurse almost made me pass out because she kept sticking me over and over again with the IV to get it in my hand and she was missing the vein. I think even I could hit a vein in me! I said "I can't hear right and things are starting to go dark." She said "Oh, you're starting to pass out, I'll give you a minute before I try this again." I said "you have one more chance. If you don't get it in, I want another nurse!" She got it in! Then there was the epidural which wasn't in the right way and I could feel everything. They had to readjust it. I guess that was a bad day for me a needles!
I did get the greatest gift of all...my little man! It was really an amazing day...my husband, who wasn't able to be at the birth of his first son, got to see his 2nd son be born. He almost passed out when they gave me the epidural, but he made through everything else just fine! I was at total peace when I was holding my little man because I was so scared through the 9 months that I would lose him. It was such a relief to hold him in my arms! The only thing I was upset about was that my dad wasn't around to see my new little guy. I miss my dad, and times like that are the most difficult to get through. He would have loved my new little bundle of joy! At least my mom was able to be there and she brought my oldest son! She was a huge help during that time, as she always is!
Fast forward 5 years...my little man woke up to a house full of balloons! My husband had them tied to everything on the house! It was soo cute to see my boy go around counting them. There were 27...originally 30, but 3 popped! Now he's playing the Phineas and Ferb Wii game with his older brother, which he got for his birthday! He's perfectly content to just hang out! He lucked out too, today was supposed to be his first day of school, but Hurricane Irene cancelled the day and he was ecstatic that he didn't have to go to school on his birthday! We'll be heading out for lunch soon and then we'll see what he wants to do for the rest of the day!
I just can't believe how fast time flies! My baby is 5 years old! It just doesn't seem possible! I am thankful to have him in my life! I love him with all my heart and wouldn't change him for the world!
And now...time for lunch...
Day 1 - The Exercise Routine Begins
Today is the first day of the new exercise routine, and I made it through! Before I set out, my husband took some pictures of me in my workout clothes. More pictures will be taken in a month and 2 months so I can compare. As long as I stick with this whole routine, I should be good.
I walked 2 miles with my step-son, who ran a lot to keep up with me. It was nice to have the company! We had a nice conversation, and although he talks a lot about what goes on at his mom's house and it scares me, he's growing up to be a fine creature! We had a nice time walking and talking!
Next, was my strength training, which I did on my own. It wasn't too bad. Today was core and arms. I made it through 3 rotations of all of the exercises. I still can't do a real push-up, but hopefully, in a few months that will change.
I'm really looking forward to seeing some results and feeling better about myself. I know it will take time, but I'm in it for the long haul this time!!
I walked 2 miles with my step-son, who ran a lot to keep up with me. It was nice to have the company! We had a nice conversation, and although he talks a lot about what goes on at his mom's house and it scares me, he's growing up to be a fine creature! We had a nice time walking and talking!
Next, was my strength training, which I did on my own. It wasn't too bad. Today was core and arms. I made it through 3 rotations of all of the exercises. I still can't do a real push-up, but hopefully, in a few months that will change.
I'm really looking forward to seeing some results and feeling better about myself. I know it will take time, but I'm in it for the long haul this time!!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Normal on the Outside, Pain on the Inside!
I keep seeing all these posts on facebook about how people don't understand the issues people deal with when they look normal on the outside but they feel bad on the inside. The post said:
"It's hard to explain to someone who has no clue. It's a daily struggle feeling sick on the inside while you look fine on the outside. Please put this as your status for at least 1 hour if you or someone you know has an invisible illness (Anxiety, Depression, Hypo/Hyperthyoidism, Diabetes, LUPUS, Fibromyalgia, Crohn's, MS, Arthritis, Cancer, Heart Disease, etc.) Never judge what you don't understand"
I totally get that post! It's so me! Ever since yesterday, I've had the mystery chest and arm pain that no one has been able to figure out. They say it could be tissue inflammation or fibromyalgia, but no one has been able to do anything to stop it or make it better. It just has to run it's course. In the winter, the pain is worse, and I spend days feeling horrible!
I am at a loss. I have seen at least 6 doctors over the past 2 years, have had a stress test, echo, CAT scans, MRIs, x-rays...it seems like this is never going to go away! It's so depressing when I get the pain. It comes out of nowhere and stays for as long as it feels like being here. I have yet to figure out what the trigger of it is. I often sit and wonder what I was doing when the pain started. It's never anything exciting, I'm usually sitting at the computer or relaxing on the couch. The worst part of it all is that from second to second, I never know how I am going to feel. It fluctuates so much! I could feel great one minute and the next minute, I'm in pain, feeling light headed, and all I want to do is lay down. Five minutes later, I could feel better again. It makes it really difficult for me to plan things.
I force myself to keep going, to keep doing the things I want to do, to keep working towards my black belt and stay active. There are days when I am completely useless because the pain takes over and I just can't do anything because I will be in more pain if I do. I have learned my limits somewhat, and know what makes the pain worse, but I have yet to find what makes it better. Medications don't work, massage works while it is happening and once it stops the pain comes back (I haven't gotten a professional massage though so that could be why it comes back after), resting doesn't even work! Doctors here have been no use! It's so frustrating!
I hope to figure this out sometime soon. I'm sick of this getting in the way of my life and me forcing myself to just get through it even though I feel horrible. I want to feel normal again! I want the quality of my life to be good. Someday...
"It's hard to explain to someone who has no clue. It's a daily struggle feeling sick on the inside while you look fine on the outside. Please put this as your status for at least 1 hour if you or someone you know has an invisible illness (Anxiety, Depression, Hypo/Hyperthyoidism, Diabetes, LUPUS, Fibromyalgia, Crohn's, MS, Arthritis, Cancer, Heart Disease, etc.) Never judge what you don't understand"
I totally get that post! It's so me! Ever since yesterday, I've had the mystery chest and arm pain that no one has been able to figure out. They say it could be tissue inflammation or fibromyalgia, but no one has been able to do anything to stop it or make it better. It just has to run it's course. In the winter, the pain is worse, and I spend days feeling horrible!
I am at a loss. I have seen at least 6 doctors over the past 2 years, have had a stress test, echo, CAT scans, MRIs, x-rays...it seems like this is never going to go away! It's so depressing when I get the pain. It comes out of nowhere and stays for as long as it feels like being here. I have yet to figure out what the trigger of it is. I often sit and wonder what I was doing when the pain started. It's never anything exciting, I'm usually sitting at the computer or relaxing on the couch. The worst part of it all is that from second to second, I never know how I am going to feel. It fluctuates so much! I could feel great one minute and the next minute, I'm in pain, feeling light headed, and all I want to do is lay down. Five minutes later, I could feel better again. It makes it really difficult for me to plan things.
I force myself to keep going, to keep doing the things I want to do, to keep working towards my black belt and stay active. There are days when I am completely useless because the pain takes over and I just can't do anything because I will be in more pain if I do. I have learned my limits somewhat, and know what makes the pain worse, but I have yet to find what makes it better. Medications don't work, massage works while it is happening and once it stops the pain comes back (I haven't gotten a professional massage though so that could be why it comes back after), resting doesn't even work! Doctors here have been no use! It's so frustrating!
I hope to figure this out sometime soon. I'm sick of this getting in the way of my life and me forcing myself to just get through it even though I feel horrible. I want to feel normal again! I want the quality of my life to be good. Someday...
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
I Am Psyched!!
August 29 is going to be a huge day for me! Not only is it the first day of school for both of my kids...the youngest starting Kindergarten and the oldest starting 4th grade at a new school, and it is my son's 5th Birthday...it is also the beginning of a new me!
I talked to my cousin who is a fitness buff! He set me up with an awesome exercise regime! It will require a lot of training and sticking with it even when I don't feel like doing it, but I know in the long run, it will be worth it! My goal is no longer to lose weight because really weight doesn't matter. I want to be stronger and more toned! I test for my black belt in a year, and I want to be able to make it through a 4 hour workout without feeling like I want to give up after 30 minutes.
Talking to him made me realize so many different things...one of the most important being that I won't see major results for at least 2 months! That info would have been nice to know before when I spent hours exercising for weeks and I really saw no changes. It made me feel really bad, and I would lose my motivation.
The good thing about now is that I have someone who wants me to keep them updated on my progress, and that will keep me motivated as well. I know if I don't follow through with it, I will feel like I wasted my cousin's time with everything he gave me, and I don't want to do that.
I am really excited to start this new chapter in my life! I can't wait to do what he gave me! I know I will stick with it! This is going to be good for me!
Of course, with the new exercise program will also come diet changes. I have started compiling healthier recipes and have made changes to what we have in the house - more fruits and veggies, less junk food. I am really looking forward to all of the changes!
I talked to my cousin who is a fitness buff! He set me up with an awesome exercise regime! It will require a lot of training and sticking with it even when I don't feel like doing it, but I know in the long run, it will be worth it! My goal is no longer to lose weight because really weight doesn't matter. I want to be stronger and more toned! I test for my black belt in a year, and I want to be able to make it through a 4 hour workout without feeling like I want to give up after 30 minutes.
Talking to him made me realize so many different things...one of the most important being that I won't see major results for at least 2 months! That info would have been nice to know before when I spent hours exercising for weeks and I really saw no changes. It made me feel really bad, and I would lose my motivation.
The good thing about now is that I have someone who wants me to keep them updated on my progress, and that will keep me motivated as well. I know if I don't follow through with it, I will feel like I wasted my cousin's time with everything he gave me, and I don't want to do that.
I am really excited to start this new chapter in my life! I can't wait to do what he gave me! I know I will stick with it! This is going to be good for me!
Of course, with the new exercise program will also come diet changes. I have started compiling healthier recipes and have made changes to what we have in the house - more fruits and veggies, less junk food. I am really looking forward to all of the changes!
Monday, August 22, 2011
Not Ready for Changes
In 7 days from today, my baby turns 5 AND starts his first day of Kindergarten. Mentally, I am not ready for either of those things to happen, but to have both happen in one day is enough to make me go crazy! It seems like just yesterday that my little man was born. :(
It might not be so bad if he wasn't going to all day Kindergarten. I'm so used to him being at home with me all day, and now it's going to be a huge change that he won't be here. He did tell me that he will go to school on the first day and then he's not going back again, so I shouldn't worry about missing him because he'll be home with me. He's so funny! It's going to take us both some time to get used to the new changes. I'm sure I will be very happy after some time to have 6 hours to do what I want to do, get work done, clean my house, etc. He will make friends and will have fun at school, so he will be more willing to actually go to school every day (I hope!) It will be great to pick him up from school ever day and see the smile on his face and give him a big hug!
I know I am going to miss him, but I can't keep him from growing up! Luckily, on his first day of school, I get to go with him and he only has to go an hour and a half, so we can spend the day celebrating his birthday! It won't be such a bad day, but I am still dreading it!
It might not be so bad if he wasn't going to all day Kindergarten. I'm so used to him being at home with me all day, and now it's going to be a huge change that he won't be here. He did tell me that he will go to school on the first day and then he's not going back again, so I shouldn't worry about missing him because he'll be home with me. He's so funny! It's going to take us both some time to get used to the new changes. I'm sure I will be very happy after some time to have 6 hours to do what I want to do, get work done, clean my house, etc. He will make friends and will have fun at school, so he will be more willing to actually go to school every day (I hope!) It will be great to pick him up from school ever day and see the smile on his face and give him a big hug!
I know I am going to miss him, but I can't keep him from growing up! Luckily, on his first day of school, I get to go with him and he only has to go an hour and a half, so we can spend the day celebrating his birthday! It won't be such a bad day, but I am still dreading it!
Sunday, August 21, 2011
It's Not Always Good to Expect More From People
My husband and I went with my in-laws to an amusement park yesterday. It all sounds great, but things aren't always what they seem. The day before, I was annoyed because my SIL was going with her infant son, and I knew exactly what was going to happen...the MIL was going to dote on her and the baby and my kids would be left high and dry. The whole point of going was because my MIL and FIL wanted to spend time with our kids for the day. Somehow, my MIL felt bad for my SIL and invited her without even asking us if we were ok with her going. (My husband and I luckily decided from the time they invited our kids that we were going to go because we didn't trust them with all of our kids.)
The day before my husband and I talked...ok, so I complained...about the fact that she would be there and what was the point since her baby can't even do anything and so on and so forth. I told my husband exactly what was going to happen. He said I couldn't predict the future and I should give them a chance.
In the mean time, I talked to a friend who gave me some awesome advice. She said "enjoy the day with your kids, even if your MIL doesn't pay attention to them or dotes on the baby and your SIL."
Yesterday morning, he was annoyed at everything I said and didn't even want to go. He complained about what I said, told me to stay home, told me that I ruined his day...
Eventually, we all left the house and headed to meet the in-laws at the park. As soon as we got there, it began. My MIL was all over my SIL and the baby. She spent the day doting on them, just as I said. At one point, they went to the car together to feed the baby, so we took the kids on the rides without them and let them catch up with us when they had time. My MIL was so concerned about whether my SIL was having a good time. She even said at one point that everything we did was up to my SIL. It would have made more sense for us to bring our kids there without the in-laws, though my FIL spend the entire day with our kids.
I listened to my friend and I had fun with our kids and didn't let it bother me that my MIL missed out on the time. And on the way home, my husband said "you were right again!" It turned out to be a good day with the kids, despite the MIL and SIL being there. It also helped that I expected what happened to happen, so I wasn't disappointed in the end. As much as it sucks to expect people to disappoint you, it makes it easier in the end when they do.
The day before my husband and I talked...ok, so I complained...about the fact that she would be there and what was the point since her baby can't even do anything and so on and so forth. I told my husband exactly what was going to happen. He said I couldn't predict the future and I should give them a chance.
In the mean time, I talked to a friend who gave me some awesome advice. She said "enjoy the day with your kids, even if your MIL doesn't pay attention to them or dotes on the baby and your SIL."
Yesterday morning, he was annoyed at everything I said and didn't even want to go. He complained about what I said, told me to stay home, told me that I ruined his day...
Eventually, we all left the house and headed to meet the in-laws at the park. As soon as we got there, it began. My MIL was all over my SIL and the baby. She spent the day doting on them, just as I said. At one point, they went to the car together to feed the baby, so we took the kids on the rides without them and let them catch up with us when they had time. My MIL was so concerned about whether my SIL was having a good time. She even said at one point that everything we did was up to my SIL. It would have made more sense for us to bring our kids there without the in-laws, though my FIL spend the entire day with our kids.
I listened to my friend and I had fun with our kids and didn't let it bother me that my MIL missed out on the time. And on the way home, my husband said "you were right again!" It turned out to be a good day with the kids, despite the MIL and SIL being there. It also helped that I expected what happened to happen, so I wasn't disappointed in the end. As much as it sucks to expect people to disappoint you, it makes it easier in the end when they do.
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