Yesterday completed week 8 of my venture towards a healthier me! I've stayed on track with my strength training, and I can see more tone in my body! I've done pretty good with cardio and walking. Last week, I added a new fitness class into my schedule. I started a cage fitness class. It is awesome! It is 30 minutes of cardio and strength mixed together. I bought 20 classes through Groupon! I did the class twice last week and will try for 2 days a week for the next 9 weeks.
I'm still tired and still get chest pain. I am fine while I'm exercising, but when I am done, I am feeling pretty exhausted. Not sure if it is from my thyroid or some other issue, but it's pretty annoying that I still seem to have no energy.
I've been eating a little better lately, but still not on track with my diet. My goal is to eat better and continue with my workouts.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Time to Get Back on Track
I realized that I need to get back on track with my life and stop worrying about the people that are trying to bring me down. I was talking to one of the dads at soccer last night. He's divorced, has 2 kids with his ex-wife, and has been going through hell with her. He's trying to be a good dad and live his life, but she's always trying to bring him down and make him look like the bad guy. She drags him to court for every little thing. I feel bad for him!
I can also totally relate to him! Between my ex and my husband's ex, I totally understand where he is coming from. I've been able to distance myself from their negativity. I don't let it consume my life like it once had. Yes, I get upset at times, but I deal with it and let it go. I used to hold on to the anger and dwell on things and all it did was make me really stressed. I learned that I have no control over what they do with our kids or what they say and I need to just live my life, deal with things as they come up and then move on.
For days now I've been dwelling on the stuff that happened with my in-laws. Trying to replay my nephew's party over and over in my head to figure out what I did wrong. Talking to people to try to figure it all out. I keep coming back to the same place and yet I keep dwelling on it. I have no control over what they do, what they say or how they decide to handle situations. The only thing I have control over is myself. I need to just let it go.
I am so much happier when I don't dwell on things. I am more productive, have more fun with my family and I feel better about myself overall. Today, I am making the decision to stop letting them affect my life in a negative way. They are who they are and I am who I am and if we don't get along, it's ok. They don't have to like me and I don't have to like them. I can be civil towards them and treat them decently. I only have to see them on holidays and at birthday parties for my kids...I can handle that! I can already feel the weight lifting off my shoulders. This will be good!
I can also totally relate to him! Between my ex and my husband's ex, I totally understand where he is coming from. I've been able to distance myself from their negativity. I don't let it consume my life like it once had. Yes, I get upset at times, but I deal with it and let it go. I used to hold on to the anger and dwell on things and all it did was make me really stressed. I learned that I have no control over what they do with our kids or what they say and I need to just live my life, deal with things as they come up and then move on.
For days now I've been dwelling on the stuff that happened with my in-laws. Trying to replay my nephew's party over and over in my head to figure out what I did wrong. Talking to people to try to figure it all out. I keep coming back to the same place and yet I keep dwelling on it. I have no control over what they do, what they say or how they decide to handle situations. The only thing I have control over is myself. I need to just let it go.
I am so much happier when I don't dwell on things. I am more productive, have more fun with my family and I feel better about myself overall. Today, I am making the decision to stop letting them affect my life in a negative way. They are who they are and I am who I am and if we don't get along, it's ok. They don't have to like me and I don't have to like them. I can be civil towards them and treat them decently. I only have to see them on holidays and at birthday parties for my kids...I can handle that! I can already feel the weight lifting off my shoulders. This will be good!
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Dealing with the Devil
When you think of family, you think of people who love you, support you and are always there for you. To me family doesn't mean they have to be blood related. I have friends that I consider part of my family, that I am closer to than some people that are blood related to me. The people I care about most are my family!
I married my husband because I loved him and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. We had already been through hell before we got married, dealing with both of our exes and the issues they caused for us and our kids. We stuck by each other through all the stress and even through the arguments we had over some of those issues. He's been my rock and I love him for that!
Since we have been married, his family has caused me much pain, sorrow, aggravation and stress. I have tried to deal with them. When we get together with them, I either sit there and don't say a word or I stay in the room with the kids and play with them. I am totally uncomfortable around them. I really wish I didn't have to be around them ever. Needless to say, I don't see these people as my family. They have never been there for me, they have never tried to get to know me. They have only ever caused me grief.
On Sunday night, my husband went to talk to his sister. She claims she has no issues with me whatsoever. She claims she likes me, she's just been busy for the past 8 years and didn't have time to get to know me. She claims that she really wants to be close to me and wishes we had more time to hang out. My MIL claims she also has nothing against me. They both claim there is no awkwardness when we get together with them. I find it funny that these people can make these claims and yet my FIL says my MIL and SIL feel like they are always under a microscope because they are worried that they will treat the kids differently again. He said some other stuff too that shows that they have issues.
My SIL and MIL always lie. My MIL lied to my SIL and BIL years ago when she claimed I was being mean to her because I wanted her to treat my son better. She got her whole family against me and they all stopped talking to us for years. They lied to my husband on Monday night when they said there were no issues. I say this for several reasons:
1. My MIL and SIL are very cold towards me. We could be in the same room for hours and they will ignore me, make snide comments, and act like they are better then me.
2. My friends, whenever they are here when my SIL picks up her son or at parties for my kids, can see the awkwardness and the lack of communication between us.
3. My MIL favors my step-son and nephew, but both kids that I had, even the one I had with her son, are never priorities. She has no problems not seeing them for months. She never asks about my kids. And when they want to do something with us, they will only do it if my step-son is here.
4. You can sense the awkwardness, and my FIL and husband both feel it too. My FIL knows more than what he is saying, but he doesn't want to be in the middle so he won't come clean.
5. There are other reasons, but it's too much to type in one blog post!
My SIL uses her depression as her excuse for her actions. She claims she still has postpartum and that is why she acts the way she does. At least that's what she told my husband on Monday. I don't need to hear excuses. If you feel you still have issues a year after your child was born then you should get help! She wasn't being mean to anyone else at her son's party, so the depression excuse isn't going to fly.
I wanted to be close to them. I tried to be close to them. It's never going to happen. A part of me thinks my SIL and MIL are the devil. They are just so evil and they care about no one but themselves. My FIL is going through hell right now because of the 2 of them. Maybe they don't have an issue with me. Maybe they are just evil people!
I married my husband because I loved him and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. We had already been through hell before we got married, dealing with both of our exes and the issues they caused for us and our kids. We stuck by each other through all the stress and even through the arguments we had over some of those issues. He's been my rock and I love him for that!
Since we have been married, his family has caused me much pain, sorrow, aggravation and stress. I have tried to deal with them. When we get together with them, I either sit there and don't say a word or I stay in the room with the kids and play with them. I am totally uncomfortable around them. I really wish I didn't have to be around them ever. Needless to say, I don't see these people as my family. They have never been there for me, they have never tried to get to know me. They have only ever caused me grief.
On Sunday night, my husband went to talk to his sister. She claims she has no issues with me whatsoever. She claims she likes me, she's just been busy for the past 8 years and didn't have time to get to know me. She claims that she really wants to be close to me and wishes we had more time to hang out. My MIL claims she also has nothing against me. They both claim there is no awkwardness when we get together with them. I find it funny that these people can make these claims and yet my FIL says my MIL and SIL feel like they are always under a microscope because they are worried that they will treat the kids differently again. He said some other stuff too that shows that they have issues.
My SIL and MIL always lie. My MIL lied to my SIL and BIL years ago when she claimed I was being mean to her because I wanted her to treat my son better. She got her whole family against me and they all stopped talking to us for years. They lied to my husband on Monday night when they said there were no issues. I say this for several reasons:
1. My MIL and SIL are very cold towards me. We could be in the same room for hours and they will ignore me, make snide comments, and act like they are better then me.
2. My friends, whenever they are here when my SIL picks up her son or at parties for my kids, can see the awkwardness and the lack of communication between us.
3. My MIL favors my step-son and nephew, but both kids that I had, even the one I had with her son, are never priorities. She has no problems not seeing them for months. She never asks about my kids. And when they want to do something with us, they will only do it if my step-son is here.
4. You can sense the awkwardness, and my FIL and husband both feel it too. My FIL knows more than what he is saying, but he doesn't want to be in the middle so he won't come clean.
5. There are other reasons, but it's too much to type in one blog post!
My SIL uses her depression as her excuse for her actions. She claims she still has postpartum and that is why she acts the way she does. At least that's what she told my husband on Monday. I don't need to hear excuses. If you feel you still have issues a year after your child was born then you should get help! She wasn't being mean to anyone else at her son's party, so the depression excuse isn't going to fly.
I wanted to be close to them. I tried to be close to them. It's never going to happen. A part of me thinks my SIL and MIL are the devil. They are just so evil and they care about no one but themselves. My FIL is going through hell right now because of the 2 of them. Maybe they don't have an issue with me. Maybe they are just evil people!
Sunday, October 2, 2011
My Day of Hell!
Yesterday, also known as my day of hell, wasn't supposed to go the way it did, and yet I knew months ago that it wasn't going to be the best day.
Yesterday was my nephew's first birthday party. I knew it was going to be really awkward and there was the potential for issues, I just didn't realize it was going to turn into such hell.
We were going to be a little late because my step-son had a soccer game in the morning. We were going to miss my son's soccer game in the afternoon to go to the party, but that worked out because the game was cancelled.
We headed out around 11:30am for our 2 hours drive to get to the party. I thought about what could go wrong in my head all the way there, the stupid little things, the awkwardness, the feeling like I didn't belong every time we get together with my husband's side of the family. I wasn't prepared for what happened though.
We got to the party and my SIL and BIL were setting things up, getting everything ready, running around like crazy as you do when you are hosting a party. My SIL's friend was holding my nephew, so I went over to him and said hi. He wasn't the happiest little critter because it was so windy and cold out and he didn't like it. My SIL walked over to us, and I said Hi to her. She seemed busy, so I didn't get in her way. I said hi to the rest of my husband's family and some other people that were there. I tried to say hi to my BIL, but he was on the move so much and when I waved to him he ignored me.
The party continued. I took my kids to the playground for a while and just kind of stayed off on my own so my SIL and BIL could enjoy there day. There has been such tension ever since my husband told them I wasn't going to watch my nephew as of December 31. And, from what I found out yesterday, she gave everyone a different story because everyone was surprised when I told them she had until December 31 and yet she quit her job as of October 21. Everyone was under the impression that I only gave her a few weeks to figure something out and she's been making a big deal out of her having to quit her job because I won't watch my nephew anymore. My husband found out that she gave her resignation because one day last week she fell asleep at the wheel driving to work and the only reason she woke up was because someone honked because she was crossing the line.
Back to the party...my son came over to me and said it was time to eat, so my husband and I went over and grabbed some food. We sat down to eat and I noticed my SIL was going around talking to everyone in her family. I can read lips, to a certain degree, and could tell she was saying that I didn't say hi to her or give her a hug or anything. She told her brother that I was ignoring her and her husband. She moved around from group to group telling everyone I was ignoring her. Then she went over to where all the presents were and she was crying. Her husband went over to her and asked why she was crying. They talked, they argued, and then he had my nephew and she was trying to get things put away.
I went over to her and asked her if she needed any help. She was so cold to me! She was trying to put away the pack-n-play but she said she couldn't figure out how to fold it up, so I did it for her. She just kept saying she was packing things up. I asked what I could do and she said nothing and walked away. I realized that my MIL, SIL and BIL were all avoiding me at this point, and giving me looks at the same time from across the room. WTF? I talked to my husband about it, told him what I saw her say to some people. He went over to her, asked her if she was ok, and she said "I don't want to talk to you right now!" He told me she said that and he said he really wanted to just go home at that point. So did I!
I thought that was the end of it, but no. That was just the beginning! My phone rang, so I answered it and was talking to a friend of mine about this and some other stuff. I went off to the side of the playground away from the pavilion so no one could hear me. I saw my SIL walking to the parking lot, and then my BIL walking after her. My FIL went to the parking lot carrying some stuff. I got off the phone and my husband asked me what I wanted to do. I told him I wanted to go home. We talked for a bit and then we went back to the pavilion.
My husband went over to his dad to say goodbye, and his dad flipped. We were all supposed to be going back to my SIL's apartment, and my FIL didn't understand why we weren't going back. My husband explained all the issues that occurred over the past hour, and my FIL started slamming his trunk and turned to me and yelled at me. He yelled "when was the last time you hugged my daughter?" I was shocked. I told him "we don't hug often, we just don't do it." He yelled "But when was the last time you hugged her?" I had so many things going through my head. What the hell was this man yelling at me for? What did I do wrong? Who cares if I hug her? We don't hug very often! She didn't even say bye to me at my son's party, but she's pissed because I didn't hug her? WHAT??
I was so confused and so upset. The more my FIL yelled at me, the more upset I got. I started crying and yelled for my kids to go to the car with me. Of course, they took their time and I just wanted to go as fast as possible! My husband's brothers friend followed us. He didn't say anything to me, but he helped me get the kids to the car. I felt like such an ass walking through the park to the car crying. Everyone was huddled over by my SIL's car and I'm sure she was giving them an earful about me.
It felt like forever, but we finally got to the car and I got the kids inside and I just stood there and cried. My husband's brother's friend came over to me and hugged me. He told me it was all ok. I cried and tried to talk to him. I told him I did say hi to her and I tried to talk to my BIL. I was so upset that she was doing this to me and I just couldn't believe what was going on. I told him that we gave them 3 1/2 months notice until I couldn't watch my nephew anymore and things have been tense since then. He assured me that I wasn't the one at fault and that she wasn't being an adult about it. He made me feel better, but I just couldn't stop crying.
Then I noticed a car pulled up behind mine. I didn't look up, I could tell it was my FIL's car. I had no idea what to expect. Was he going to yell at me again? Was he going to tell me never to go near them again? He got out of the car, came over to me and he told me he loved me and he was sorry for yelling at me. He said it's not my fault what is going on. The more he talked the more I cried and the less I was able to speak. I was eventually able to get words out, and I told him that I felt like his daughter hated me. I said it was difficult for me to even come to the party since there has been so much tension and I explained that I did say hi to her. He hugged me, told me how sorry he was, he cried, and he told me he loved me. He said he would understand if I didn't want to go back to my SIL's house.
On a side note, when I said hi to my SIL, she didn't come over to me or hug me. My BIL didn't even try to come over to me at all the entire time we were there.
Anyway, my FIL went over to talk to my husband and his brother and his friend came over to talk to me. I was still crying, I just couldn't stop. We decided to go back to their house to be the bigger people. It was a party for nephew, not for my SIL, and why should he suffer because of the issues that were occurring. My FIL walked over and gave me a hug again and told me that it was good of me to go back there and he said he loved me again.
On the way there, I cried! I just couldn't stop crying, but I was trying to compose myself so I wasn't crying at their house. I did ok inside. We got there and they were about to open gifts. I stayed off to the side and watched as my MIL gave me looks from across the room. I was so uncomfortable! I just wanted to leave, I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream at them for making me feel so horrible! I didn't do any of that. I just sat there, frozen, like a statue trying to keep it together. My BIL's parents talked to me and my husband a lot.
After gifts was cake. I was in the kitchen at the time, and my SIL completely ignored me. So I left and went into the living room and stood by the door out of the way. Her friends were giving me looks from across the room. My nephew was on the floor and every time we started crawling over to me, one of her friends ran over and picked him up. I felt like I was the most horrible person. It took everything I had not to open that door and walk out. I stayed in the living room when we ate cake. After the cake, my SIL came in and sat next to her friend and they whispered and they looked at me and they made their little comments. They were whispering and then one looked at me and said "you should start a countdown so you can see it's getting closer." I would assume that them looking at me meant she was counting down to when I didn't have to watch her son anymore. Ugh!
Finally, it was time to leave. I hugged everyone, my BIL, SIL, MIL, FIL, other BIL, his friend. I just wanted to get out of there. my SIL's friends didn't even say a word to us, they were just glaring at me like I was the devil. My SIL told my husband they needed to talk. We left.
When we got to the car, I lost it. I balled my eyes out. I cried all the way home. I talked to my husband about how I don't want to watch my nephew anymore because now it's just going to be hell every time I have to see his sister. We talked, I cried...for 2 hours!
All day, since I started crying, my kids were trying to cheer me up. They wanted to know why I was upset, but I wouldn't tell them. They sang songs for me, told me stories they made up, and did stuff to try to make me happier. When we got home, my 5 year old walks in the kitchen and asks me why we were fighting with his aunt. Apparently, he's the only one that pays attention to what is going on in the world around him! I wouldn't answer him at all. We decided to watch Karate Dog with the kids and ordered pizza.
I was hoping that when I went to bed last night that I could put all of this behind me and wake up in better spirits. No such luck. I woke up and instantly started crying. I am just so upset that she would be so cruel. Now she's going to blame me for ruining her son's 1st birthday party and all because she claims I ignored her. She had all of her family and all of her friends at that party, why does she care if I ignore her? She doesn't even like me! She hasn't liked me since the issues with my MIL treating my son horribly happened. I've never been close to my husband's family! NEVER! It just makes no sense to me. I said hi to her, but she's making me out to be this horrible person. WTF???
I've been crying off and on today. I just can't seem to get it together. I am planning on taking my kids apple picking later, and I just really hope that I can hold it together for their sake. Maybe getting out and keeping busy will help me. I'm just feeling so depressed and upset and I can't figure out what happened.
It's another situation that has happened that I really wish my dad was here. He would be able to help me through this. He would make me feel better. Just knowing he was here and still alive would make me feel better! It's one of those times that makes his death so much more difficult for me to handle!
Yesterday was my nephew's first birthday party. I knew it was going to be really awkward and there was the potential for issues, I just didn't realize it was going to turn into such hell.
We were going to be a little late because my step-son had a soccer game in the morning. We were going to miss my son's soccer game in the afternoon to go to the party, but that worked out because the game was cancelled.
We headed out around 11:30am for our 2 hours drive to get to the party. I thought about what could go wrong in my head all the way there, the stupid little things, the awkwardness, the feeling like I didn't belong every time we get together with my husband's side of the family. I wasn't prepared for what happened though.
We got to the party and my SIL and BIL were setting things up, getting everything ready, running around like crazy as you do when you are hosting a party. My SIL's friend was holding my nephew, so I went over to him and said hi. He wasn't the happiest little critter because it was so windy and cold out and he didn't like it. My SIL walked over to us, and I said Hi to her. She seemed busy, so I didn't get in her way. I said hi to the rest of my husband's family and some other people that were there. I tried to say hi to my BIL, but he was on the move so much and when I waved to him he ignored me.
The party continued. I took my kids to the playground for a while and just kind of stayed off on my own so my SIL and BIL could enjoy there day. There has been such tension ever since my husband told them I wasn't going to watch my nephew as of December 31. And, from what I found out yesterday, she gave everyone a different story because everyone was surprised when I told them she had until December 31 and yet she quit her job as of October 21. Everyone was under the impression that I only gave her a few weeks to figure something out and she's been making a big deal out of her having to quit her job because I won't watch my nephew anymore. My husband found out that she gave her resignation because one day last week she fell asleep at the wheel driving to work and the only reason she woke up was because someone honked because she was crossing the line.
Back to the party...my son came over to me and said it was time to eat, so my husband and I went over and grabbed some food. We sat down to eat and I noticed my SIL was going around talking to everyone in her family. I can read lips, to a certain degree, and could tell she was saying that I didn't say hi to her or give her a hug or anything. She told her brother that I was ignoring her and her husband. She moved around from group to group telling everyone I was ignoring her. Then she went over to where all the presents were and she was crying. Her husband went over to her and asked why she was crying. They talked, they argued, and then he had my nephew and she was trying to get things put away.
I went over to her and asked her if she needed any help. She was so cold to me! She was trying to put away the pack-n-play but she said she couldn't figure out how to fold it up, so I did it for her. She just kept saying she was packing things up. I asked what I could do and she said nothing and walked away. I realized that my MIL, SIL and BIL were all avoiding me at this point, and giving me looks at the same time from across the room. WTF? I talked to my husband about it, told him what I saw her say to some people. He went over to her, asked her if she was ok, and she said "I don't want to talk to you right now!" He told me she said that and he said he really wanted to just go home at that point. So did I!
I thought that was the end of it, but no. That was just the beginning! My phone rang, so I answered it and was talking to a friend of mine about this and some other stuff. I went off to the side of the playground away from the pavilion so no one could hear me. I saw my SIL walking to the parking lot, and then my BIL walking after her. My FIL went to the parking lot carrying some stuff. I got off the phone and my husband asked me what I wanted to do. I told him I wanted to go home. We talked for a bit and then we went back to the pavilion.
My husband went over to his dad to say goodbye, and his dad flipped. We were all supposed to be going back to my SIL's apartment, and my FIL didn't understand why we weren't going back. My husband explained all the issues that occurred over the past hour, and my FIL started slamming his trunk and turned to me and yelled at me. He yelled "when was the last time you hugged my daughter?" I was shocked. I told him "we don't hug often, we just don't do it." He yelled "But when was the last time you hugged her?" I had so many things going through my head. What the hell was this man yelling at me for? What did I do wrong? Who cares if I hug her? We don't hug very often! She didn't even say bye to me at my son's party, but she's pissed because I didn't hug her? WHAT??
I was so confused and so upset. The more my FIL yelled at me, the more upset I got. I started crying and yelled for my kids to go to the car with me. Of course, they took their time and I just wanted to go as fast as possible! My husband's brothers friend followed us. He didn't say anything to me, but he helped me get the kids to the car. I felt like such an ass walking through the park to the car crying. Everyone was huddled over by my SIL's car and I'm sure she was giving them an earful about me.
It felt like forever, but we finally got to the car and I got the kids inside and I just stood there and cried. My husband's brother's friend came over to me and hugged me. He told me it was all ok. I cried and tried to talk to him. I told him I did say hi to her and I tried to talk to my BIL. I was so upset that she was doing this to me and I just couldn't believe what was going on. I told him that we gave them 3 1/2 months notice until I couldn't watch my nephew anymore and things have been tense since then. He assured me that I wasn't the one at fault and that she wasn't being an adult about it. He made me feel better, but I just couldn't stop crying.
Then I noticed a car pulled up behind mine. I didn't look up, I could tell it was my FIL's car. I had no idea what to expect. Was he going to yell at me again? Was he going to tell me never to go near them again? He got out of the car, came over to me and he told me he loved me and he was sorry for yelling at me. He said it's not my fault what is going on. The more he talked the more I cried and the less I was able to speak. I was eventually able to get words out, and I told him that I felt like his daughter hated me. I said it was difficult for me to even come to the party since there has been so much tension and I explained that I did say hi to her. He hugged me, told me how sorry he was, he cried, and he told me he loved me. He said he would understand if I didn't want to go back to my SIL's house.
On a side note, when I said hi to my SIL, she didn't come over to me or hug me. My BIL didn't even try to come over to me at all the entire time we were there.
Anyway, my FIL went over to talk to my husband and his brother and his friend came over to talk to me. I was still crying, I just couldn't stop. We decided to go back to their house to be the bigger people. It was a party for nephew, not for my SIL, and why should he suffer because of the issues that were occurring. My FIL walked over and gave me a hug again and told me that it was good of me to go back there and he said he loved me again.
On the way there, I cried! I just couldn't stop crying, but I was trying to compose myself so I wasn't crying at their house. I did ok inside. We got there and they were about to open gifts. I stayed off to the side and watched as my MIL gave me looks from across the room. I was so uncomfortable! I just wanted to leave, I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream at them for making me feel so horrible! I didn't do any of that. I just sat there, frozen, like a statue trying to keep it together. My BIL's parents talked to me and my husband a lot.
After gifts was cake. I was in the kitchen at the time, and my SIL completely ignored me. So I left and went into the living room and stood by the door out of the way. Her friends were giving me looks from across the room. My nephew was on the floor and every time we started crawling over to me, one of her friends ran over and picked him up. I felt like I was the most horrible person. It took everything I had not to open that door and walk out. I stayed in the living room when we ate cake. After the cake, my SIL came in and sat next to her friend and they whispered and they looked at me and they made their little comments. They were whispering and then one looked at me and said "you should start a countdown so you can see it's getting closer." I would assume that them looking at me meant she was counting down to when I didn't have to watch her son anymore. Ugh!
Finally, it was time to leave. I hugged everyone, my BIL, SIL, MIL, FIL, other BIL, his friend. I just wanted to get out of there. my SIL's friends didn't even say a word to us, they were just glaring at me like I was the devil. My SIL told my husband they needed to talk. We left.
When we got to the car, I lost it. I balled my eyes out. I cried all the way home. I talked to my husband about how I don't want to watch my nephew anymore because now it's just going to be hell every time I have to see his sister. We talked, I cried...for 2 hours!
All day, since I started crying, my kids were trying to cheer me up. They wanted to know why I was upset, but I wouldn't tell them. They sang songs for me, told me stories they made up, and did stuff to try to make me happier. When we got home, my 5 year old walks in the kitchen and asks me why we were fighting with his aunt. Apparently, he's the only one that pays attention to what is going on in the world around him! I wouldn't answer him at all. We decided to watch Karate Dog with the kids and ordered pizza.
I was hoping that when I went to bed last night that I could put all of this behind me and wake up in better spirits. No such luck. I woke up and instantly started crying. I am just so upset that she would be so cruel. Now she's going to blame me for ruining her son's 1st birthday party and all because she claims I ignored her. She had all of her family and all of her friends at that party, why does she care if I ignore her? She doesn't even like me! She hasn't liked me since the issues with my MIL treating my son horribly happened. I've never been close to my husband's family! NEVER! It just makes no sense to me. I said hi to her, but she's making me out to be this horrible person. WTF???
I've been crying off and on today. I just can't seem to get it together. I am planning on taking my kids apple picking later, and I just really hope that I can hold it together for their sake. Maybe getting out and keeping busy will help me. I'm just feeling so depressed and upset and I can't figure out what happened.
It's another situation that has happened that I really wish my dad was here. He would be able to help me through this. He would make me feel better. Just knowing he was here and still alive would make me feel better! It's one of those times that makes his death so much more difficult for me to handle!
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