Fighting for Time with Our Kids

It's not easy having a blended family! We live in a Yours, Mine and Ours kind of family, and it's tough!

When my husband and I got married a little over 10 years ago, we each had a child from previous relationships. Our kids kind of brought us together in a way because we could relate to each other and it was nice to be in a relationship with someone who had a kid and could understand what it was like being a parent.

Over the years, we have dealt with some really messed up stuff from our exes. Everything from not changing diapers at all for an entire 8 hour visit and causing massive diaper rash to getting children and youth involved to lies and excuses! It's been torture! What our exes don't get is that it has been torture on our kids! Those people that they are supposedly trying to protect are the very people they are hurting the most.

We have to fight for time to see my stepson. My husband's ex does not make it easy by any means! We see him only every other weekend, and we are supposed to get half of his school breaks. My husband will send her an email to plan out the breaks to make it even. Her response...if you want him the extra time then you have to bring him home, otherwise, he's staying with me. Based on the court order, whoever gets the child for visitation is the one that picks him up. She hates driving, and since it's almost an hour drive between our houses, she will make it as difficult as possible to get our allotted time with him.

It really makes me sad that we have to fight so hard to see him. She recently used the excuse that it isn't fair to her that we get him for 1 extra day of his school holidays. WHAT? She gets him all the time, we only have him every other weekend, how is that possibly unfair?

For the record, I can see these situations from both sides...we only have my stepson every other weekend, but my son lives with us and sees his dad only every other weekend. So where we have to fight for time with my stepson, we don't have to do that so much with my son. My ex will ask for extra time with my son and he constantly asks to switch his visitations to suit his life. Though it can be aggravating for me that he asks to change his days almost every week, I am flexible as long as I don't have any plans. He definitely takes advantage of that, and I am well aware that he does. My biggest thing is that I don't feel like my son should have to suffer because his dad has something better to do than to make their scheduled visitation. I don't see how it is my son's fault that his dad changed the days. My son enjoys going to his dad's house, and I don't want to be a reason for them not to have a relationship. It doesn't make sense for him to have to fight for every second he gets with his son.

My ex and I do not, by any means, get along. He tries to make my life hell, he bashes me to my son and he does not provide my son with a healthy environment. The court says I have to let him see his son. I feel it is best to make that as easy as possible for the sake of my son. My ex certainly does not return the favor of being flexible with visitation time. If I ask for something or want to switch visitation times, I get nothing but lies, excuses and lots of trouble.

I will never understand why neither of our exes want to do what is in our kids best interests. I will never get why they make everything so difficult on our kids. I hope that someday, they open their eyes and see that all those years that they were trying to hurt us, they were really hurting their own kids.

It's difficult being in a blended family. Luckily, our kids are older now and I think (and hope) they understand that we love them and want what is best for them.